…I lost a friend I never met

Here I go.. Spilling my guts out. Sometimes I feel like I get to hard on myself, because I want to have ‘it’ all together. It’s next to impossible to have ‘it’ all together. What is ‘it’? Probably my life in general. Most times I have ‘it’ all together and sometimes I just have to let go and let ‘it’ be. This reflection came about recently, when someone really close to me lost someone. It is heart breaking. I don’t like talking about it. Why? Because people always ask, ‘Are you ok?’ Well uhm.. No I’m not ok. Death is never an ok thing to handle in life. Death is guaranteed. I don’t have a lot of friends, but I can truly say that, where I am in life and the people I have surrounded myself with I really care about them. 

Sometimes I wonder why I don’t have a lot of friends. Maybe because I’m ‘standoffish’ and not approachable. But that’s ok. I get approached by enough weirdos, so I’m ok with that.  But in all honesty, I’m a laid back person while pretty complex. So I guess that’s too much for most people to handle. When I meet people who are willing to accept me for me. I cherish them dearly. But I guess, it’s just one of those things in life.  So I haven’t been blogging as much for a number of reasons and I’ll share why.  I haven’t really figured out what direction I would like this blog to take and as a result it hasn’t been a priority. I have been diligently been occupied being a good friend to my dear friend that lost someone really close to him. It feels like I have lost a friend, I didn’t get a chance to meet. I guess I will leave this post at this. But I really like this, sitting down in a quiet room for 15 minutes and just typing what comes to mind. 

Until next time,

You are the best!



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